19 April 2013

Not Quite Ready

I was never quite sure where this burning desire to work as a Paramedic came from. I guess on some level I always wanted to work in health care. As a kid I would imagine that I would one day be a top surgeon in a huge hospital (probably after I realised being a scientist didn't really involve creating big explosions in test tubes). Now though, the fog has cleared. I want to do a job that's rewarding, I want to work with other people and help to make a difference. Working in an office, lab or shop to make another person rich doesn't float my boat. 

I think one day I could do this job very well. I'll be able to enter a person's life during their time of crisis and walk them through what could be an incredibly scary period of time, driven by all the right reasons. They're in pain and frightened, worried about what's going to happen to them or a loved one. This person will need someone to reassure them, make them feel safe and at ease. They need someone to remain calm and focused, someone that knows what they are doing. A paramedic must be able to do this for a patient and It's just as important as the medical aspect of their role.

But I have to ask myself, can I do that?

It's an important question, one that's not so easy to answer. I could easily turn around and shout a firm 'yes' but being sure on the outside probably isn't enough. The truth is, I'm not sure. Maybe it's something that can only be determined in an actual situation. I do know that the likelihood of failure is higher if I were to have strong lingering doubts and failing in such a situation is denying a person the right to the best support available during what could turn out to be the final day of their life.

And what if I don't like the job? Does wanting something so much automatically mean I will like it? Probably not. I want to get fit, but it doesn't mean I will like the process. I have no way of knowing until the time comes.

I think a part of me is hoping that once the uniform is on, it's almost like playing a part; I'm no longer me, I'm just another paramedic. It's impossible to know for sure. This whole question is really getting to me, mainly because if I can't do this job for some reason I'll be at a complete loss. I expect I'm over thinking the whole situation but currently I'm of the inclination that I should put off this line of work for a few more years while I work on my confidence and build up my ego a little.

If only I could stop thinking about it, I literally imagine what it's like every day. I desperately long to join the Ambulance Service. I recently came ever so close.

To be continued...